“Don’t Spill the Tea!”
Why Gossip Hurts and What We Can Do About It
Wait till you hear what I heard…”, “Don’t tell her I told you, but…”
These phrases spark instant curiosity. They make us feel included, socially connected, and in the know. But have you ever stopped to think about what gossip really is?
By definition, gossip is information shared about someone else, usually when they’re not around. It may or may not be true and is often unkind. A quick Google search for “gossip” brings up words like malicious, scandalous, and hurtful, all carrying a negative connotation.
During a recent group session with students, we explored the concept of gossip through four simple questions:
Do you gossip?
Does anyone in your friend group gossip?
Does anyone in your class gossip?
Has gossip ever been spread about you?
The results were telling:
90% admitted to gossiping themselves.
90% said someone in their friend group gossips.
100% agreed that someone in their class gossips.
70% had experienced gossip being spread about them.
Clearly, gossip is not just common – it’s normalised.
To illustrate how gossip can distort reality, we played a simple game of Chinese Whispers. We started with a made-up gossip whispered to one student. By the time it was whispered through 22 students, the message had completely changed. What began as a story about a girl had transformed into a story about a boy, twisted and reshaped by each student’s assumptions, biases, and personal interpretations.
This is exactly what happens with gossip in real life: the original story becomes distorted, often to fit the teller’s perspective or biases.
The problem with gossip is that it isn’t neutral. It often targets those who are already socially vulnerable – students who may be marginalised because of their socioeconomic status, gender, race, caste, sexuality, and their popularity (or lack of it). A girl who comes from a poorer family may be whispered about differently than her wealthier classmates. This shows how gossip doesn’t just spread misinformation – it reinforces discrimination.
What Can You Do?
STOP: Refuse to participate in gossip. Don't share information that is meant to be kept private or that could cause harm.
ACT: Take assertive action to change the situation. Redirect conversations, interrupt gossiping, or find ways to create a more positive environment.
TELL: Communicate the importance of avoiding gossip. Let others know why gossip is harmful and encourage them to be more mindful of their words and actions.
We all have a role to play in stopping the spread of gossip. Here’s how you can make a difference:
If someone says:
“Wait till you hear what I heard…”
You can say:
“Let’s not talk about them since they’re not here.”If someone says:
“Don’t tell her I told you, but…”
You can say:
“Please don’t say that. I wouldn’t like it if you said that about me.”If someone says:
“I’m not sure if this is true, but I heard…”
You can say:
“You don’t know if that’s true. That’s something you should discuss with the person directly.”If someone says:
“Do you know what she said about you?”
You can ask:
“Why are you telling me this?”
Gossip may seem like harmless fun, a way to bond with friends or feel included. But it has real consequences. It hurts people, distorts the truth, and reinforces existing inequalities. By choosing not to participate, calling out hurtful comments, and empathising with those targeted, we can break the cycle.
So next time someone says, “Spill the tea…” Take a deep breath and choose kindness instead.
